If youre not failing every now and again, its a sign youre not doing anything very innovative. – Woody Allen
I am not afraid of death, I just dont want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen
It is impossible to experience ones death objectively and still carry a tune. – Woody Allen
I dont believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. – Woody Allen
Life doesnt imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. – Woody Allen
I am two with nature. – Woody Allen
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! – Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. – Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. – Woody Allen
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. – Woody Allen
I failed to make the chess team because of my height. – Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. – Woody Allen
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. – Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. – Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. – Woody Allen
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. – Woody Allen
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. – Woody Allen
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. – Woody Allen
