Quotes by

Woody Allen

If youre not failing every now and again, its a sign youre not doing anything very innovative. – Woody Allen

I am not afraid of death, I just dont want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen

It is impossible to experience ones death objectively and still carry a tune. – Woody Allen

I dont believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. – Woody Allen

Life doesnt imitate art, it imitates bad television. – Woody Allen

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. – Woody Allen

I am two with nature. – Woody Allen

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! – Woody Allen

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. – Woody Allen

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. – Woody Allen

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. – Woody Allen

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. – Woody Allen

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. – Woody Allen

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. – Woody Allen

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small. – Woody Allen

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. – Woody Allen

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead. – Woody Allen

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. – Woody Allen

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. – Woody Allen

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers. – Woody Allen