Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. – Woody Allen
Ive never been an intellectual but I have this look. – Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and were all in somebodys dream? Or whats worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? – Woody Allen
I dont respond well to mellow, you know what I mean, I have a tendency to… if I get too mellow, I ripen and then rot. – Woody Allen
Im not afraid to die, I just dont want to be there when it happens. – Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. – Woody Allen
I dont believe in an after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear. – Woody Allen
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. – Woody Allen
I dont want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. – Woody Allen
Most of the time I dont have much fun. The rest of the time I dont have any fun at all. – Woody Allen
Time is natures way of keeping everything from happening at once. – Woody Allen
If my films dont show a profit, I know Im doing something right. – Woody Allen
Right now its only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. – Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. Id be at home in the bath and shed come in and sink my boats. – Woody Allen
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, its the government. – Woody Allen
Im such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. – Woody Allen
As the poet said, Only God can make a tree, probably because its so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. – Woody Allen
To you Im an atheist to God, Im the Loyal Opposition. – Woody Allen
If my films make one more person miserable, Ill feel I have done my job. – Woody Allen
I think being funny is not anyones first choice. – Woody Allen
