Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime. – Woody Allen
In Beverly Hills… they dont throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows. – Woody Allen
Today I saw a red and yellow sunset and thought, how insignificant I am! Of course, I thought that yesterday too, and it rained. – Woody Allen
Basically my wife was immature. Id be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats. – Woody Allen
If you dont fail now and again, its a sign youre playing it safe. – Woody Allen
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said no. – Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. – Woody Allen
Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of meat and potatoes, comedy is rather the dessert, a bit like meringue. – Woody Allen
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have. – Woody Allen
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun. – Woody Allen
It shows exactly what you can do if youre a total psychotic. – Woody Allen
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf wont get much sleep.. – Woody Allen
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing. – Woody Allen
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didnt quite coincide with either of her desires. – Woody Allen
I am at two with nature. – Woody Allen
A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. – Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. – Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that Im not someone else. – Woody Allen
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final. You know, I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me. – Woody Allen
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox. – Woody Allen
