It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind people who apparently view it as some kind of recreational activity. – Dave Barry
There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece. – Dave Barry
What Women Want: To be loved, to be listened to, to be desired, to be respected, to be needed, to be trusted, and sometimes, just to be held. What Men Want: Tickets for the world series. – Dave Barry
Although Golf was originally restricted to wealthy Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. – Dave Barry
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what youre told. – Dave Barry
The word user is the word used by the computer professional when they mean idiot. – Dave Barry
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they dont even invite me. – Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesnt have eyeballs or fins. – Dave Barry
Well try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail. – Dave Barry
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another persons plate. – Dave Barry
Camping is natures way of promoting the motel business. – Dave Barry
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. – Dave Barry
I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. – Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. – Dave Barry
To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent. – Dave Barry
Your modern teenager is not about to listen to advice from an old person, defined as a person who remembers when there was no Velcro. – Dave Barry
Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions. – Dave Barry
The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter. – Dave Barry
The world is full of strange phenomena that cannot be explained by the laws of logic or science. Dennis Rodman is only one example. – Dave Barry
I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories. – Dave Barry
