The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesnt have eyeballs or fins. – Dave Barry
Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter. – Dave Barry
I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. – Dave Barry
Snowboarding is an activity that is very popular with people who do not feel that regular skiing is lethal enough…. I now realize that the small hills you see on ski slopes are formed around the bodies of forty-seven-year-olds who tried to learn snowboarding. – Dave Barry