I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. – Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. – Dave Barry

I have been a gigantic Rolling Stones fan since approximately the Spanish-American War. – Dave Barry
Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down. – Dave Barry
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. – Dave Barry
The taxpayers cannot be relied upon to support performing arts such as opera. As a taxpayer, I am forced to admit that I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera. – Dave Barry
Ants are so much like human beings as to be an embarrassment. They farm fungi, raise aphids as livestock, launch armies into war, use chemical sprays to alarm and confuse enemies, capture slaves, engage in child labour, exchange information ceaselessly. They do everything but watch television. – Lewis Thomas