There are two distinctive classes of people today, those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars apiece. – Dave Barry
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. – Dave Barry
I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. – Dave Barry
Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep. – Dave Barry
I am convinced that the world is not a mere bog in which men and women trample themselves and die. Something magnificent is taking place here amidst the cruelties and tragedies, and the supreme challenge to intelligence is that of making the noblest and best in our curious heritage prevail. – Charles Austin Beard