I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini. – Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with its just compounding the felony. – Robert Benchley
I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of lifes sensational pleasures. – Robert Benchley
The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life which does not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest. – Robert Benchley
Go jogging? What, and get hit by a meteor? – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another. – Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. – Robert Benchley
There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who dont. – Robert Benchley
Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about – Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with childen. – Robert Benchley
Why dont you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? – Robert Benchley
It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldnt give it up because by that time I was too famous. – Robert Benchley
I know Im drinking myself to a slow death, but then Im in no hurry. – Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel – first class, and with children. – Robert Benchley
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. – Robert Benchley
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. – Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. – Robert Benchley
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of. – Robert Benchley
You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it. – Robert Benchley
