The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life which does not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest. – Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel — first class, and with children. – Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with its just compounding the felony. – Robert Benchley
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death. – Robert Benchley
For so long as the Jew has even one ally, he will be convinced – in his smallness of mind – that his salvation came from that ally. It is only when he is alone – against all of his own efforts and frantic attempts – that he will, through no choice, be compelled to turn to G-d. – Meir Kahane