The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. – Robert Benchley
I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini. – Robert Benchley
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them. – Robert Benchley
The lips of the wise are as the doors of a cabinet; no sooner are they opened, but treasures are poured out before thee. Like unto trees of gold arranged in beds of silver, are wise sentences uttered in due season. – The Economy of Human Life, Translated from an Indian Manuscript, Written by an A