A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death. – Robert Benchley
There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist. – Robert Benchley
Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. – Robert Benchley
There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. – Robert Benchley
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other. – Robert Benchley
In America there are two classes of travel — first class, and with children. – Robert Benchley
One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him. This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully. – Robert Benchley
England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. – Robert Benchley
