Thats the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me. – Jerry Seinfeld
Theres very little advice in mens magazines, because men dont think theres a lot they dont know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what Im doing, just show me somebody naked. – Jerry Seinfeld
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didnt have that kind of personality, and its a terrifying thing to say. – Jerry Seinfeld
To me, if life boils down to one thing, its movement. To live is to keep moving. – Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept Gods final word on where your lips end. – Jerry Seinfeld
I think its funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. – Jerry Seinfeld
Men dont care whats on TV. They only care what else is on TV. – Jerry Seinfeld
The IRS! Theyre like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! – Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you dont have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld
Once you start doing only what youve already proven you can do, youre on the road to death. – Jerry Seinfeld
You know youre getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. Its like, See if you can blow this out. – Jerry Seinfeld
Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. – Jerry Seinfeld
Men want to make women happy. – Jerry Seinfeld
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. – Jerry Seinfeld
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. – Jerry Seinfeld
I love being a dad. I just love it. – Jerry Seinfeld
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. – Jerry Seinfeld
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself. – Jerry Seinfeld
Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. – Jerry Seinfeld
I’ve compiled a book from the Internet. It’s a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. – Jerry Seinfeld
