Thats the true spirit of Christmas people being helped by people other than me. – Jerry Seinfeld
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself. – Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept Gods final word on where your lips end. – Jerry Seinfeld
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. – Jerry Seinfeld
The first thing I think about when I wake up most mornings is the fact that Im tired. I have been tired for decades. I am tired in the morning and I am tired while becalmed in the slough of the afternoon, and I am tired in the evening, except right when I try to go to sleep. – Susan Orlean