Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. – Jerry Seinfeld
Theres very little advice in mens magazines, because men dont think theres a lot they dont know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what Im doing, just show me somebody naked. – Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you dont have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld
I’ve compiled a book from the Internet. It’s a book of quotations attributed to the wrong people. – Jerry Seinfeld
Church tax exemption means that we all drop our money in the collection boxes, whether we go to church or not and whether we are interested in the church or not. It is systematic and complete robbery, from which none of us escapes. – E. Haldeman-Julius, The Church Is a Burden, Not a Benefit, In Social Life