Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. – Jerry Seinfeld
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you dont have a top for it. – Jerry Seinfeld
You know youre getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. Its like, See if you can blow this out. – Jerry Seinfeld
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept Gods final word on where your lips end. – Jerry Seinfeld
Theres not a lot of room anymore for what I call made-up drama. The drama comes from real places now – marriage takes work and focus, the kid stuff takes patience and commitment. And if you dont grow as people and as a couple, within all of that, then youve got some real drama. – Jeremy Sisto
Logic is a large drawer, containing some useful instruments, and many more that are superfluous. A wise man will look into it for two purposes, to avail himself of those instruments that are really useful, and to admire the ingenuity with which those that are not so, are assorted and arranged. – Charles Caleb Colton, Lacon