Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. – Jerry Seinfeld
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. – Jerry Seinfeld
Its amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. – Jerry Seinfeld
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself. – Jerry Seinfeld
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. – G.B. Shaw, Getting Married, 1908