One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your childs name and how old he or she is. – Erma Bombeck
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that its time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. – Erma Bombeck
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one Im taking with me when I go. – Erma Bombeck
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. Its too controversial. – Erma Bombeck
Dreams have only one owner at a time. Thats why dreamers are lonely. – Erma Bombeck
A friend doesnt go on a diet because you are fat. – Erma Bombeck
Sometimes I cant figure designers out. Its as if they flunked human anatomy. – Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If thats what youre looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. – Erma Bombeck
I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes. – Erma Bombeck
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding. – Erma Bombeck
Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. – Erma Bombeck
When humor goes, there goes civilization. – Erma Bombeck
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. – Erma Bombeck
God created man, but I could do better. – Erma Bombeck
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. – Erma Bombeck
Never order food in excess of your body weight. – Erma Bombeck
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. – Erma Bombeck
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else. – Erma Bombeck
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them. – Erma Bombeck
