My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you? – Erma Bombeck
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. – Erma Bombeck
A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. – Erma Bombeck
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. – Erma Bombeck
I am not a glutton — I am an explorer of food. – Erma Bombeck
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the Titanic who waved off the dessert cart. – Erma Bombeck
Children make your life important. – Erma Bombeck
In general, my children refused to eat anything that hadn’t danced on TV. – Erma Bombeck
As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am. – Erma Bombeck
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. – Erma Bombeck
Graduation day is tough for adults. They go to the ceremony as parents. They come home as contemporaries. After twenty-two years of child-raising, they are unemployed. – Erma Bombeck
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. – Erma Bombeck
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. – Erma Bombeck
