I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants. – Dave Beard
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes. – Douglas Adams
The chicken came first — God would look silly sitting on an egg. – Author Unknown
I just hate it when Buddhists get all emptier-than-thou. – John Fugelsang
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself. – Rita Mae Brown
As I may or may not say to the Lord on Judgment Day, “You ask a lot of questions for someone who has so much explaining to do.” – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him. – Sir Winston Churchill
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. – Carl Zwanzig
There are truths of which I have an inkling, but of most I have only a penciling. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Einstein said, “God does not play dice with the world.” Now if the dice would only stop playing God. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid. – Jack Benny
Did you ever have the measles, and if so, how many? – Artemus Ward
Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker. – From the movie Naked
A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge. – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. – Author Unknown
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? – Author Unknown
She was what we used to call a suicide blond — dyed by her own hand. – Saul Bellow
It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term. – Mark Twain
Confucius say: Fellow with magnetic personality always point north. – Terri Guillemets, 1990
