If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead. – Erma Bombeck
I havent trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. Ive never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. – Erma Bombeck
As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her. – Erma Bombeck
I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it. – Erma Bombeck