Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. – Erma Bombeck
A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween. – Erma Bombeck
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. – Erma Bombeck
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families arent dying. Theyre merging into big conglomerates. – Erma Bombeck
The funny thing about Thanksgiving, or any huge meal, is that you spend 12 hours shopping for it and then chopping and cooking and braising and blanching. Then it takes 20 minutes to eat it and everybody sort of sits around in a food coma, and then it takes four hours to clean it up. – Ted Allen