When youre in love its the most glorious two and a half days of your life. – Richard Lewis
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because Id been up all night inventing the Camcorder. – Al Gore
Im going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli. – Michael J. Fox
If I have to lay an egg for my country, Ill do it. – Bob Hope
I recorded my hair this morning, tonight Im watching the highlights. – Jay London
Why dont you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? – Robert Benchley
The one thing you shouldnt do is try to tell a cab driver how to get somewhere. – Jimmy Fallon
Im thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. – Paula Poundstone
Im a misplaced American, but dont know where I was misplaced. – Ruby Wax
Im kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more. – James Brown
Id never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. – Mercedes McCambridge
Im the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. – Mickey Rooney
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like theyre home. Im that way at Saks. – Caroline Rhea
Trust is hard to come by. Thats why my circle is small and tight. Im kind of funny about making new friends. – Eminem
I was asked to act when I couldnt act. I was asked to sing Funny Face when I couldnt sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldnt dance – and do all kinds of things I wasnt prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. – Audrey Hepburn
Its a funny thing that when a man hasnt anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. – Robert Frost
You know, fame is a funny thing, man, especially, you know, actors, musicians, rappers, rock singers, its kind of a lifestyle and its easy to get caught up in it – you go to bars, you go to clubs, everyones doing a certain thing… Its tough. – Eminem
Its funny how most people love the dead, once youre dead your made for life. – Jimi Hendrix
But you cant focus on things that matter if all youve been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know. – Charlie Sheen
I saw 28 Days. I dont remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. Its a big landfill. – Charlie Sheen
