Ambrose Bierce – Page 2

PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling ones credibility for future delivery. – Ambrose Bierce

They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid. – Ambrose Bierce

Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live. – Ambrose Bierce

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking. – Ambrose Bierce

Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy. – Ambrose Bierce

To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result. – Ambrose Bierce

Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries. – Ambrose Bierce

A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce

Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state. – Ambrose Bierce

Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. – Ambrose Bierce

Physician — One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well. – Ambrose Bierce

Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward. – Ambrose Bierce

Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worlds worship. – Ambrose Bierce

Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C. – Ambrose Bierce

Bore — a person who talks when you wish him to listen. – Ambrose Bierce

When in Rome, do as Rome does. – Ambrose Bierce

Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. – Ambrose Bierce

An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me! – Ambrose Bierce

Politeness — The most acceptable hypocrisy. – Ambrose Bierce

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree. – Ambrose Bierce