Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy. – Ambrose Bierce
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man – who has no gills. – Ambrose Bierce
Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table. – Ambrose Bierce
Laughter — An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable. – Ambrose Bierce