A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running. – Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? – Groucho Marx
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. – Groucho Marx
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. – Groucho Marx
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. – Groucho Marx
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. – Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. – Groucho Marx
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. – Groucho Marx
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. – Groucho Marx
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. – Groucho Marx
I must confess, I was born at a very early age. – Groucho Marx
Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy. – Groucho Marx
All people are born alike — except Republicans and Democrats. – Groucho Marx
It frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. – Groucho Marx
Humor is reason gone mad. – Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go into the library and read a good book. – Groucho Marx
