Im a comedian, for Gods sake. Viewers shouldnt trust me. And you know what? Theyre hip enough to know they shouldnt trust me. Im just doing stand-up comedy. – Dennis Miller
Born again?! No, Im not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time. – Dennis Miller
Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nations highways. – Dennis Miller
Just put down 9/11… I think, on most things Im liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things Im kind of conservative on. – Dennis Miller
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and whats more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? – Dennis Miller
Theres nothing wrong with being shallow as long as youre insightful about it. – Dennis Miller
The American education system couldnt be more badly directed or poorly funded if the Secretary of Education were Ed Wood. – Dennis Miller
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 Rs only one begins with an R. – Dennis Miller
I didnt know my Dad – he moved out early. And my moms politics were kind of hardscrabble. She didnt think about Democrats or Republicans. She thought about who made sense. Ive been both in my life. – Dennis Miller
Whats so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care of and then we turn on a dime and we immediately start taking care of people. Its like a shock and aw shucks campaign. – Dennis Miller
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. – Dennis Miller
I rant, therefore I am. – Dennis Miller
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. – Dennis Miller
The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country. – Dennis Miller
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. – Dennis Miller
