Just put down 9/11… I think, on most things Im liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things Im kind of conservative on. – Dennis Miller
Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. – Dennis Miller
Im a comedian, for Gods sake. Viewers shouldnt trust me. And you know what? Theyre hip enough to know they shouldnt trust me. Im just doing stand-up comedy. – Dennis Miller
Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and whats more life-affirming than cold, hard cash? – Dennis Miller