Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live. – Dennis Miller
I had fun pretending to be a sportscaster. People always think that was a down thing for me. I had the best job in sports broadcasting for two years. – Dennis Miller
Just put down 9/11… I think, on most things Im liberal, except on defending ourselves and keeping half the money. Those things Im kind of conservative on. – Dennis Miller
Im a comedian, for Gods sake. Viewers shouldnt trust me. And you know what? Theyre hip enough to know they shouldnt trust me. Im just doing stand-up comedy. – Dennis Miller