When I look at a lot of older stuff that Ive written, I think one sign of amateur humor writing is when you see people trying too hard. – David Sedaris
I love things made out of animals. Its just so funny to think of someone saying, I need a letter opener. I guess Ill have to kill a deer. – David Sedaris
I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they wont be offended. – David Sedaris
My family isnt really all that different from anyone elses. Well, maybe theyre a bit more entertaining. – David Sedaris
I havent got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out. – David Sedaris
Its odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. Youll have a nice time, then two years later youll be like, There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg? – David Sedaris
After a few months in my parents basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations. – David Sedaris
Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself. – David Sedaris
I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me. – David Sedaris
But most good movies have a gun in them. – David Sedaris
The humor section is the last place an author wants to be. They put your stuff next to collections of Cathy cartoons. – David Sedaris
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny. – David Sedaris
