Every New Year is the direct descendant, isnt it, of a long line of proven criminals? – Ogden Nash
Here is a pen and here is a pencil, heres a typewriter, heres a stencil, heres a list of todays appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures — take them, George, theyre yours! – Ogden Nash
How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge! – Ogden Nash
Some primal termite knocked on wood; and tasted it, and found it good. That is why your Cousin May fell through the parlor floor today. – Ogden Nash
I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons. – Ogden Nash
I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, Ill never see a tree at all. – Ogden Nash
If some confectioners were willing To let the shape announce the filling, Wed encounter fewer assorted chocs, Bitten into and returned to the box. – Ogden Nash
And one of his partners asked Has he vertigo? and the other glanced out and down and said Oh no, only about ten feet more. – Ogden Nash
If you dont want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you wont have to work. – Ogden Nash
To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever youre wrong, admit it Whenever youre right, shut up. – Ogden Nash
Certainly there are things in life that money cant buy, but its very funny – Did you ever try buying then without money? – Ogden Nash
Middle age is when youve met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. – Ogden Nash
Middle age is when youre sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isnt for you. – Ogden Nash
Women would rather be right than reasonable. – Ogden Nash
The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat. – Ogden Nash
Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore. – Ogden Nash
Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them. – Ogden Nash
I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers. – Ogden Nash
The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control. – Ogden Nash
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all. – Ogden Nash
