Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel. – Josh Billings
Pity cost nothing and aint worth nothing. – Josh Billings
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldnt be any fun living in it, or profit. – Josh Billings
The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his way. – Josh Billings
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards? – Josh Billings
The miser and the glutton are two facetious buzzards: one hides his store, and the other stores his hide. – Josh Billings
I have lived in this world just long enough to look carefully the second time into things that I am the most certain of the first time. – Josh Billings
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. – Josh Billings
Never run into debt, not if you can find anything else to run into. – Josh Billings
Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does. – Josh Billings
Dont take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. – Josh Billings
I dont care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words. – Josh Billings
Dont mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs. – Josh Billings
The more humble a man is before God the more he will be exalted; the more humble he is before man, the more he will get rode roughshod. – Josh Billings
Dont ever prophesy; for if you prophesy wrong, nobody will forget it; and if you prophesy right, nobody will remember it. – Josh Billings
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it aint the gout. – Josh Billings
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal. – Josh Billings
If a man should happen to reach perfection in this world, he would have to die immediately to enjoy himself. – Josh Billings
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. – Josh Billings
Dont put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today. – Josh Billings
