When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years. – Josh Billings
A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug. – Josh Billings
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland. – Josh Billings
I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design. – Josh Billings
Im a good son, a good father, a good husband – Ive been married to the same woman for 30 years. Im a good friend. I finished college, I have my education, I donate money anonymously. So when people criticize the kind of characters that I play on screen, I go, You know, thats part of history. – Samuel L. Jackson