Wit – the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out. – Ambrose Bierce
Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope. – Ambrose Bierce
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones. – Ambrose Bierce
The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations. – Ambrose Bierce
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools. – Ambrose Bierce
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. – Ambrose Bierce
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. – Ambrose Bierce
Irreligion – the principal one of the great faiths of the world. – Ambrose Bierce
Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. – Ambrose Bierce
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. – Ambrose Bierce
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends. – Ambrose Bierce
Edible – good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pig, a pig to a man, and a man to a worm. – Ambrose Bierce
Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience. – Ambrose Bierce
Sabbath – a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh. – Ambrose Bierce
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense. – Ambrose Bierce
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured. – Ambrose Bierce
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable. – Ambrose Bierce
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel. – Ambrose Bierce
A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it. – Ambrose Bierce
