I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like Im the only one moving. – Steven Wright
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast anytime.” So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. – Steven Wright
I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. – Steven Wright
Although we have, in theory, abolished human slavery, recognized womens rights, and stopped child labor, we continue to enslave other species who, if we simply pay attention, show quite clearly that they experience parental love, pain, and the desire for freedom, just as we do. – Ingrid Newkirk