I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like Im the only one moving. – Steven Wright
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, Im home now. But leave a message and Ill call when Im out. – Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? – Steven Wright
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. – Steven Wright