I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any cars headlights and tell you exactly which way its coming. – Mitch Hedberg
If my kid couldnt draw Id make sure that my kitchen magnets didnt work. – Mitch Hedberg

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any cars headlights and tell you exactly which way its coming. – Mitch Hedberg
If my kid couldnt draw Id make sure that my kitchen magnets didnt work. – Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. – Mitch Hedberg
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, Youre gonna have to move, youre blocking a fire exit. As though if there was a fire, I wasnt gonna run. If youre flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. – Mitch Hedberg