People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. – Dave Barry
A Mission Statement is a dense slab of words that a large organization produces when it needs to establish that its workers are not just sitting around downloading Internet porn. – Dave Barry
I want a pit crew… I hate the procedure I currently have to go through when I have car problems. – Dave Barry
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it. – Dave Barry