People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. – Dave Barry
The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesnt have eyeballs or fins. – Dave Barry
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford. – Dave Barry
Just get on any major highway, and eventually it will dead-end in a Disney parking area large enough to have its own climate, populated by large nomadic families who have been trying to find their cars since the Carter administration. – Dave Barry