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People who snore always fall asleep first. - Author Unknown

People who snore always fall asleep first. – Author Unknown

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Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. – Will Rogers

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If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. – Author Unknown

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No one is listening until you fart. – Author Unknown

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Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure. – Murphy’s Law

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