Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them. – Ogden Nash
One thing you learn in a long marriage is how many sneezes to wait before saying, “Bless you.” – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Husbands are like fires. They go out when unattended. – Zsa Zsa Gabor
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. РFran̤ois VI de la Rochefoucault
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night. – Marie Corelli
Women seem to be all right on bargains till it comes to picking out a husband. – Kin Hubbard
After a few years of marriage, a man can look right at a woman without seeing her — and a woman can see right through a man without looking at him. – Helen Rowland
Why get married? For human beings, marriage is such an unnatural state. If you want monogamy, it has been said, you should marry a swan. – Quentin Crisp, “The Art of Celibacy”
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced “mirage.” – Herbert Spencer
Like my vodka, my marriage is on the rocks. – Craig D. Slovak
A woman who loves her husband is merely paying her bills. A woman who loves her lover gives alms to the poor. – Paul-Jean Toulet
Give up all hope of peace so long as your mother-in-law is alive. – Juvenal, Satires
We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, we were married for four and a half years. – Nick Faldo
Originally marriage meant the sale of a woman by one man to another; now most women sell themselves though they have no intention of delivering the goods listed in the bill of sale. – Robert Graves
If I ever marry, it will be on a sudden impulse — as a man shoots himself. – H.L. Mencken
Most marriages can survive “better or worse.” The tester is all the years of “exactly the same.” – Robert Brault, rbrault.blogspot.com
Hubert Humphrey talks so fast that listening to him is like trying to read Playboy magazine with your wife turning the pages. – Barry Goldwater
People do not marry people, not real ones anyway; they marry what they think the person is; they marry illusions and images. The exciting adventure of marriage is finding out who the partner really is. – James L. Framo, “Explorations in Marital & Family Therapy”
Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. – H.L. Mencken
No man expects a great deal from marriage. He is quite satisfied if his wife is a good cook, a good valet, an attentive audience, and a patient nurse. – Author Unknown
