Alimony is like buying oats for a dead horse. – Arthur Baer
I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married. – Lewis Grizzard
Alimony — The ransom that the happy pay to the devil. – H.L. Mencken, “Sententiae,” A Book of Burlesques, 1920
If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. – Author Unknown
“I am” is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do” is the longest sentence? – Author Unknown
Marriage is a lottery in which men stake their liberty and women their happiness. – Virginie des Rieux, Epigrams
Wedlock is a padlock. – John Ray, English Proverbs
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight. – Samuel Lichtenberg
Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole. – John Mortimer, The Trials of Rumpole
Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest. – Irwin Corey
If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married. – Katharine Houghton Hepburn
The total amount of undesired sex endured by women is probably greater in marriage than in prostitution. – Bertrand Russell, Marriage and Morals
Between a man and his wife nothing ought to rule but love. – William Penn
On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. – Emma Goldman, Marriage and Love
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit. – Billy Connolly
Marriage is good for those who are afraid to sleep alone at night. – St. Jerome, Attack on Jovinian
The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous. – H.L. Mencken
Any married man should forget his mistakes — no use two people remembering the same thing. – Duane Dewel
He was doubtless an understanding Fellow that said, there was no happy Marriage but betwixt a blind Wife and a deaf Husband. – Michel de Montaigne, “Upon Some Verses of Virgil”
Love is grand; divorce a hundred grand. – Author Unknown
