Babies dont need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! Ill go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You havent worked a day in your life! – Steven Wright
I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. – Steven Wright
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time. – Steven Wright
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. – Steven Wright
If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day. – E.B. White, quoted in Israel Shenker, “E.B. White: Notes and Comment by Author,”