I named my dog Stay so I can say, “Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.” – Steven Wright
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? – Steven Wright
Babies dont need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach… it pisses me off! Ill go over to a little baby and say What are you doing here? You havent worked a day in your life! – Steven Wright
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too? – Steven Wright