There are several ways in which to apportion the family income, all of them unsatisfactory. – Robert Benchley
England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example. – Robert Benchley
Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another. – Robert Benchley
The wish to acquire more is admittedly a very natural and common thing and when men succeed in this they are always praised rather than condemned. But when they lack the ability to do so and yet want to acquire more at all costs, they deserve condemnation for their mistakes. – Niccolo Machiavelli