Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings. – Robert Benchley
A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. – Robert Benchley
Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another. – Robert Benchley
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with its just compounding the felony. – Robert Benchley