When God was creating fathers, He started with a tall frame. An angel nearby said, What kind of father is that? If you – Erma Bombeck
I have seen my kid struggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory: an empty gin bottle. – Erma Bombeck
Marriage has no guarantees. If thats what youre looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck
My theory on housework is, if the item doesnt multiply, smell, catch on fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one cares. Why should you? – Erma Bombeck
Sir Walter, being strangely surprised and put out of his countenance at so great a table, gives his son a damned blow over the face. His son, as rude as he was, would not strike his father, but strikes over the face the gentleman that sat next to him and said Box about: twill come to my father anon. – John Aubrey