Weve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, its cheaper, and you get more feet. – Rita Rudner
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. – Rita Rudner
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, its quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid. – Rita Rudner
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. Theyve experienced pain and bought jewelry. – Rita Rudner
My parents were very permissive when it came to animals. As long as we earned the money to buy them and built whatever structure it was they were going to live in, we could have any kind of pet we wanted. They would have let us have a rhinoceros if we could have afforded it. – Maggie Stiefvater