I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle thats 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says go outside. – Demetri Martin
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. – Demetri Martin
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I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin
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I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, Looks like youre writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, youll get more money. – Demetri Martin
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