And my only rule being if when I wake in the morning Im looking forward to the things that I have to do that day, then Im on the right track. – Demetri Martin
For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. Id come home and go to church and everybody would say, Oh, my God. Demetri, youre working at the White House. – Demetri Martin
I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin
I like to use I Cant Believe its Not Butter on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. – Demetri Martin