Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. – Demetri Martin
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. – Demetri Martin
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, Looks like youre writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, youll get more money. – Demetri Martin
I didnt do improv in college, I never performed, I didnt do theater either. I was in student government, I was a history major. – Demetri Martin
Lets be very honest about what this is about. Its not about bashing Democrats, its not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston tea party was about, they dont know their history at all. This is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism straight up. – Janeane Garofalo