I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. – Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. – Demetri Martin
Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin
I like women, but you cant always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dogs name and then I asked, Does he bite? and she said, No. And I said, So how does he eat? Liar! – Demetri Martin
Stand-up is like a row boat: its fun and romantic when youre choosing to do it. But if you have no other choice than to be in a row boat its not as enjoyable thats survival. – Demetri Martin
I think that Bill and Hillary Clinton have a very special relationship and I think in very many ways to them its a very satisfying relationship. I think that its a mutual respect with a goal of power to achieve, maintain power. And I think that they have been good partners in that. – Gennifer Flowers