Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: This looks much better on. On what? On fire? – Rita Rudner
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he wont get a bikini wax. – Rita Rudner
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. – Rita Rudner
Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside. – Rita Rudner
Had it not been for you, I should have remained what I was when we first met, a prejudiced, narrow-minded being, with contracted sympathies and false knowledge, wasting my life on obsolete trifles, and utterly insensible to the privilege of living in this wondrous age of change and progress. – Benjamin Disraeli