We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back. – Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. – Fred Allen
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission. – Fred Allen
Id like to look like Madonna when Im her age. I also look at athletes and love their bodies. Ive always wanted to be muscly, not skinny. A lot of women yo-yo around, but Im always aware if Im getting a bit out of shape. I never look at the scales but I can just tell. It goes on my tum and bum. – Ellie Goulding
I recently spent quite a bit of time in Sheffield, England, which is where Im from. I wouldnt move back there, but its funny when you spend a bit of time in the place where you were brought up. You kind of realize how that place has had quite a big effect on you or made you a certain way. – Jarvis Cocker