We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion. – Fred Allen
The last time I saw him he was walking down lovers lane holding his own hand. – Fred Allen
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats, then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure. – Fred Allen
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. – Fred Allen
I grew up on a farm in a small town where you do or say one thing and everybody knows about it. You see it happen, theres always the town gossip – Oh did you hear about so and so, or did you hear what went on in this household? So I learned at a very young age just to keep my mouth shut. – Garrett Hedlund